


Fake It 'Til You Make It

by Care



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hollywood, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-31
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-02 03:53:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4044883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Care/pseuds/Care
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When struggling actress Laura Hollis receives the role of a lifetime, she has to put on a good face — even if that means pretending to like her obnoxious co-star, the notorious Carmilla Karnstein.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Who knew I'd be writing a multi-chaptered Hollywood!AU about these fools. Not meeeeee. This fic is intended to be four parts and an epilogue. This may or may not change.
> 
> I took quite a few liberties with how the industry functions. I'm not a working actor and never will be. This is as accurate as I want it to be, and you know, is obviously a work of fiction.
> 
> This fic is really the wretched brainchild of both me and [mermaiddrunk](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mermaiddrunk). She came up with so much of this world, but more importantly, it's just her goddamn fault. I both hate her and love her. (I mean, thanks.)

_**So how has life changed for you since you've gotten this role? You're pretty famous now.** _

[Laughing] Am _I famous? I don't really feel like it. I don't know. I don't think my life's changed that much. I don't worry anymore about how to make rent, so that's nice. I get recognized occasionally when I'm out, like, when I went to the ArcLight the other week with my friends. That was weird. A totally nice weird, I mean._

— Interview with Laura Hollis in Vulture, December 9th, 2015

 

*

 

Everyone always says that LA traffic is the worst they've ever seen, like the tenth circle of Hell. Laura's learned the trick of Hollywood small talk — you can always chat about how jammed the 405 or the 10 is at any time of day. She's pretty sure she's spent a good percentage of her life now sitting in traffic and listening to podcasts, just traveling from point A to point B. It's very Los Angeles, and she knows she's gone native the day she looks at Google Maps and it tells her it's going to take forty minutes to get from North Hollywood to downtown.

Not too bad, Laura thinks, and grabs her car keys.

It would figure then that she would be in the car when she gets the news. Other actors have different stories. They were in a grocery store or sitting at home or at work. But Laura's story is so very typical, and honestly, kind of boring. She tells it over and over again, embellishing the details ever-so-slightly, but it stays mostly true to itself.

The story goes something like this:

She's trapped in traffic on the 101 freeway, heading northbound, stalling somewhere just after the Lankershim and Universal City exit. She crams a dry turkey sandwich into her mouth — a late lunch she picked up in between auditions — and she's thinking longingly about the pair of sweatpants she's going to shimmy into once she gets back to her apartment. Standstill traffic in 0 minutes, Waze helpfully informs her from her phone screen. Laura rolls her eyes and clicks out out of the app. As if she wasn't sitting in it already.

The car in front of her has just inched forward when her phone rings, that annoying iPhone ring that everyone has. Her agent. Laura sighs, staring hard at the red brake lights ahead, and hits the speaker option.

"I know I didn't get it," she says, before Holly can even get a word in edgewise.

Laura can even conjure up Holly's pinched face in her imagination — her pursed lips and the frosted hair piled up on her head. "Laura — "

"You don't have to tell me," Laura says, feeling mournful and sorry for herself. Disappointment makes her insides feel dull. "I know I messed it up. I shouldn't have — "

" _Laura_ ," Holly presses insistently, and Laura realizes her tone of voice is about two-hundred times more energized than it normally is. "Oh my god, listen to me right now. I have — holy shit — the most amazing news."

"What?" Laura's mind is already flying. They're going to bring back _Blue Moon_ because the fan campaign actually worked. She actually booked that Verizon commercial she thought she tanked. A famous director wants to cast her in a movie, sight unseen.

The last one, probably not. But the other two — maybe.

"The Dean wants to cast you in her next movie."

Laura blinks, positive that she's misheard. She says nothing, unable to form words. The car behind her honks, loud and prolonged, and it jolts Laura from her state of shock. She accelerates slightly, pushing past the Ventura exit.

"Um, Holly," Laura breathes shakily, "I could've sworn you said that the _Dean_ wants to cast me in her next movie. _The_ Dean. The _Dean_."

"Yeah, that's the one. Look, she's wrapping up the 'Kiss of the Dead' trilogy, and she asked for _you_ specifically. She wants you to come in and read for the part. You in?"

As if there was any other answer.

"Yes. Definitely. Yes. Oh my god. When? I mean — anytime! Anytime that's good for her. I'm there."

Laura gets home fifteen minutes later and sits in the dark shadow of the garage for a minute, the car still running, her heart fluttering in her chest. When she reaches down to turn off the engine, she realizes her hand's shaking. It's that kind of day, Laura thinks faintly, and smiles.

Later, she burns herself while making dinner, preoccupied. She likes to show interviewers that faint white scar on her wrist, veritable proof that her life changed. Here, it seems to say, it happened to me here.

 

*

 

Laura moves to Los Angeles straight out of college. Boom. One minute, she's onstage receiving her diploma and tossing her cap in the air and taking graduation selfies with her dad. The next minute, she's getting the hell out of dodge in her crappy Civic, all of her worldly possessions stuffed in her car. Her dad hates the idea, but he doesn't stop her from going, just e-mails her crime statistics and the locations of earthquake fault lines. Laura pecks him on the cheek and promises to text at least once a day and drives off into the sunset — so to speak.

Her best friend from college's older brother lets her crash on his couch for two weeks while she looks for housing and work. Brian's a yoga instructor and part-time model; he disappears for four days and says nothing to Laura. She hopes he isn't dead and tries to put it out of her mind.

She finds her roommate on Craigslist (which she definitely doesn't tell her dad). Betty's already been in LA for two years, and she has an immaculate apartment in North Hollywood. She doesn't seem like a serial killer in the perfunctory email she sends back to Laura, but who can tell these days.

"So what do you do?" Betty asks during the roommate interview, the two of them uncertainly gauging each other from across a wobbly Starbucks table.

"I'm an actress," Laura says, and her cheeks color at Betty's expression. She's a dime a dozen in this town. "I mean, I want to be an actress. I haven't gotten any auditions yet, but I'm hoping — "

Betty sniffs, looking unimpressed. "What do you do for money, I mean?"

"I just got a job manning the front desk for this tiny production company. It's not very exciting. They're really nice though, and they get that I sometimes need to go to auditions — "

"If you're ever late with your rent, I will kick you out," Betty says flatly.

Which is apparently Betty-speak for "you got the room." Laura moves in a week later, leaving a scribbled message for Brian on a Post-It in the bathroom. She's going to have to check in later and see if he's okay.

(She tells her dad about the Craigslist roommate thing after he sees Betty over Skype. He doesn't freak out quite as much as Laura thought he might, but he does mail her more bear spray.)

 

*

 

_"…but what particularly shines in Lilita "The Dean" Morgan's ethereal sequel, is the vampire countess herself — the broodingly enigmatic Regina von Diefenbach, played by an utterly perfect Carmilla Karnstein. A virtual unknown before being cast in the 'Kiss of the Dead' films, Karnstein has now become the Dean's focal piece. She holds it all together with the commanding charisma of an actress thirty or forty years older._

_In the last scene of this film, Karnstein languidly steps into frame, dabbing gently at the blood around her mouth. Julianna, our protagonist, lies dead at her feet. Karnstein stares directly into the camera, bold and unafraid, and the way she intones the last line, "I live", is both a threat and an exclamation. It sends shudders down the spines of the audience, enraptured and seduced. Brava, Miss Karnstein!"_

— "Why You Shouldn't Write Off Vampire Films Because of Twilight" in Rolling Stone, June 23rd, 2014

 

*

 

"This is gonna be huge, Laura," Lafontaine says to her over lunch, so loud that the people at the next table look up from their food to glare. " _You're_ gonna be huge."

"Shhh," Laura says, grinning despite herself. "I mean — I don't — maybe. Who knows."

Because who does know. It's a fickle career path she's chosen, and the chances of her not making it are much, much greater than anything. The meeting could amount to nothing. Or it could send her down the road to stardom — it's hard to say.

Laura's _definitely_ been entertaining fantasies of stardom the last few days. It's not good.

"Holy shit, Laura. This is the Dean we're talking about. You're going to be on magazine covers. People are going to be falling over themselves to interview you. At the very least you're going to Cannes." 

"What if it's a mistake?" Laura blurts out. "I mean, what if I get to set and she realizes that I'm a terrible actress and she fires me? Oh my god, what if I get fired from my first feature?"

LaFontaine sifts through their salad with a fork, idly picking out all the cranberries. "You're a great actress. It's gonna be totally fine. You've gotten all those great reviews for _Blue Moon_."

"That was a Hulu show. The Dean — that's big time. I mean, she has an Oscar. I'm going to be working with an Oscar-winning director."

Laura takes a bite of her sandwich to shut herself up. Oscar-winning director. Oh god. What has she gotten herself into? She swallows, her throat suddenly dry. LaFontaine's musing aloud on what they think Laura's projected career trajectory will be.

" — and, of course, that's after you win your Golden Globe," they say, swinging their glass of iced tea around for emphasis. "And I'll say, you know what, I knew she'd make it. I knew it from the beginning."

"I'll thank you in my best actress speech," Laura says, her nerves jangling. She shoves the rest of her food away, unsure if she can even finish it.

"As your manager _and_ your friend, I'd expect nothing less."

Laura shakes her head, but she's grinning. She glances up at LaFontaine. They're smiling back. 

LaF's right. It's huge — they both know it's huge — like life changing moment huge. Laura's been trying to digest it for days. She hasn't been able to share it with anyone, really, no one except her agent and her manager. It's all pent up inside her, dying to come out.

"Don't worry about the meeting today," LaF says, reaching across the table to give Laura's hand a quick squeeze. "I'll make sure she doesn't, like, eat you or something."

Laura nods. She glances her phone. Twenty more minutes and they can leave. She tries to take another bite of her sandwich, chewing, swallowing. She jiggles her leg.

"Laura," LaF says. "Seriously. You're going to be fine. She's gonna love you."

"…Okay," Laura says, with a weak smile, not really believing them. "Okay."

 

*

 

Normally, Laura wouldn't be a fan of Lilita Morgan's movies.

She's seen them all, of course. You can't watch movies and avoid them. They're the kind of stuff you watch with your pretentious, high school theatre friends late at night, because some kid's in love with them. And yes, they're brilliant, but Laura doesn't always want to have that unsettled feeling she gets when she watches the Dean's movies. Not everyone wants a dark, psychological thriller all the time (though even Laura has to admit that Carmilla Karnstein, the Dean's latest infatuation, is beautiful enough to tempt her).

But she goes to Target and buys the box set the night she hears from Holly, watches them all in her bed while eating handfuls of microwave popcorn and Raisinettes. She had forgotten how _good_ they were, taut and beautifully-shot. The Dean's a master at manipulating audience emotions, and even though Laura knows what's coming, she still shivers when Julianna enters the Countess's lair, has to bite her tongue when Julianna lingers just a minute too long in the study.

(It's what ultimately does her in.)

Laura mulls on this as she and LaFontaine drive to the Dean's office. She's so deep in thought that she doesn't realize for ages that they've been steadily climbing higher and higher, turning up one-lane canyon roads. They're in the Hollywood Hills, far from any production offices or studios.

"Wait, her office is in her house?" Laura asks, panicked. "We're going to her _house_?"

She has a sudden mental image of her entering the Dean's gorgeous foyer, tripping over a carpet runner, and destroying some sort of priceless vase. Goddammit.

"Yeah, I thought you knew that," LaF says, stopping to let another car inch past.

Laura stares out the window, mute. Clearly not. Or maybe she did, and just didn't pay enough attention. She would have, if she had been driving herself, but as soon as LaF offered to accompany her to the meeting, she — well, Laura just relinquished all logistics out of pure nerves. She takes a deep breath, summoning all the courage she has in her body. She almost threw up before her _Blue Moon_ audition, and that wasn't nearly — it was definitely exciting, but it's nothing compared to this.

She can do this. She's ready for this. This is what she moved to Hollywood _for_. A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. There's no way she's going to fuck this up.

They find the house after a few more minutes. Rather, they find the gate, and have to sit with the engine idling for a little bit before they're buzzed in. LaF rolls slowly down a thickly forested drive, and they stare, open-mouthed, at the enormous house that unfolds before them, dark and somehow foreboding, incongruous in the Californian sun. Laura's never seen a house with actual _spires_ before.

"So that's what an Oscar winner's house looks like," LaFontaine says faintly.

"A super weird Oscar winner," Laura corrects.

The nervous, buzzy feeling in the pit of Laura's stomach returns, stronger than ever. She shakes out her trembling hands. LaF coasts to a stop by the side of the building. Laura fumbles the door handle twice before she can get it open, stepping out onto the paved drive. It feels cool beneath the trees. Laura pulls her cardigan on and her sunglasses off, taking uncertain steps up to the stairs leading to the front door.

She eyes LaFontaine and LaF eyes her back, and they stand there for good minute before Laura finally gets up her nerve to push the doorbell. It echoes through the inside of the house, the sound muffled by the door. Laura practices what she's going to say to herself, mouthing along the words, feeling them suddenly strange and awkward on her tongue. She feels like she could destroy everything in a second, this teetering tower of hopes she's managed to build in only the last week. She's been trying to keep her expectations low, but Laura's never been great at doing things by halves. She's an all-or-nothing kind of person.

Acting is an all-or-nothing kind of profession. This could be what makes or break her career.

She's mulling on this when the door finally swings open, jarring her out of her thoughts. "H-hi," she manages to choke out.

Lilita Morgan peers down at Laura from her impressive height. She's immensely tall, though just about everyone is tall from Laura's perspective, but she swears that the Dean actually has to crane her neck to look down. She has her dark hair twisted up in a bun, a hairstyle she hasn't wavered from in her twenty-odd year career. Her face is still, her eyes hidden behind a huge pair of sunglasses. Laura swears she sees the corner of the Dean's mouth twist ever-so-slightly. She can't tell if that's good or not.

"Uh, Ms. M-Morgan," Laura stammers, every word she practiced gone straight from her head.

The Dean's mouth definitely twists now. "How eloquent," she says, and her transatlantic accent is something of a jolt. Laura's heard it in interviews on YouTube, but it seems so odd to experience it in real life. "You're Laura Hollis, I take it. You're late."

"Sorry," LaFontaine cuts in. "It was my fault. Hello, LaFontaine, Laura's manager. I spoke to your assistant."

"Your fault," the Dean replies, and the way she says it sounds _horrible_.

Laura's too afraid to even glance at LaF's face. The Dean gives her a sweeping once-over and gestures for them to follow. Laura trails her into the house, stepping into a marbled foyer (sans a carpet runner, thank god). The house has a shadowed, dark feel to it. Like they're in some gloomy castle instead of LA. Laura curls her fingers into her palm to keep from reaching out to grab LaF for reassurance. The Dean leads them to an office, and gestures for them to sit down in the chairs facing the expansive desk.

"Anything to drink?" she asks, sitting down herself.

"No, thank you," Laura whispers, even though she's parched.

"I don't like lateness on set," the Dean says. "I won't abide by it. Other directors might let that go, but I can always find another actress. There's no lack of them in this town."

"I understand. I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

The Dean steeples her fingers. "I saw you in that horrible little show — what's it called again? Bad Moon? The one about the moon colony. It's on one of those new websites. I can't remember. Netflix, maybe."

" _Blue Moon_ ," LaF corrects. "It's a Hulu show, and it's actually gotten some really great reviews. I mean, it was canceled, but — "

"The acting's overwrought. The dialogue is atrocious. The storylines are convoluted and pointless."

Right, Laura thinks woodenly. It's only the biggest role she's had to date. The one that finally got her a SAG card. If Lilita Morgan thinks _that's_ bad, she's kind of screwed.

"But," the Dean continues, turning her face in Laura's direction, "I found you to be a…surprise. Your performance is unexpectedly luminescent. You're very raw. I like that. I'm looking for that." She gestures to the wall, at a huge framed poster of _The Feast of Blood_. Carmilla Karnstein glowers expressionlessly down at them. "Carmilla's character needs that innocent lamb energy to feed off of, and I think you have it in spades."

Laura tries to keep the smile off her face, but it's not entirely successful. It's like being bathed in praise — from one of the greatest and most influential film directors of all time. "Thank you," she says, trying not to sound too desperate or pathetic or a whole slew of other things.

The Dean nods once. "Now that that's out of the way. Let's begin."

She stands up again, LaF and Laura following suit, and leads them out.

 

*

 

**_NEW "KISS OF THE DEAD" TITLE LEAKED_ **

_By Jenny Roby_

_Vampires. Love 'em or hate 'em, but you can't get away from them these days._

_It seems like everyone and their mom has been waiting for months to hear news about the third chapter of Lilita Morgan's critically-acclaimed "Kiss of the Dead" series. Fans have been speculating wildly on social media on what the title and story may be. Theories I have enjoyed include: Regina opens a karaoke bar in Wyoming (why Wyoming?), Regina brings Julianna Tan back as a vampire so they can have a vampire lesbian wedding, Regina awakens 300 years in the future and in a Mars colony._

_Let me just say that I would pay very real money to see all of those, but everyone here already knows what a Carmilla Karnstein fangirl I am anyway. (NO SHAME. NO. SHAME.)_

_Early this morning supposed "leaked" emails with the synopsis and title of the third film were posted on Reddit. This link was hastily emailed to me by my editor at 7 AM with the subject line "HAVE YOU SEEN THIS??? ARE YOU SITTING DOWN???" I don't know what she takes me for, but I had been freaking out over it to my girlfriend for ten minutes already. Paramount confirmed the news a few hours later._

The Rose Garden _will be a direct sequel to_ The Feast of Blood. _A young investigative journalist, Maggie Rollins, travels to the Austrian Alps to find out what really happened to her missing best friend, Julianna Tan. There, she'll meet the SUPER HOT vampire countess we've come to know and fear. And love. Kind of. Carmilla Karnstein will reprise her role as Countess Regina von ~~Diefenbach~~ Sexy. I smell seduction and intrigue. Basically, give it to me NOW, my eyeballs want it._

_This has been my most professional writing to date._

_(Oh, and Paramount — if you're looking for someone to play your journalist ingenue, you can find me on Twitter.)_

— Published on Jezebel.com, August 16th, 2014

 

*

 

"I think you did great," LaF says in the car on the way home.

Laura flexes her hands and rolls her neck in the passenger seat, feeling like she's been holding tension in her body for weeks and weeks instead of just a few hours. 

They had followed the Dean through the halls again, towards the back of the house, and waiting in a rather dark parlor were three producers, the Dean's personal casting director, and two other complete strangers — aside from the woman operating the camera. Because, of course, they were there to hear this completely unknown stranger read for the role of Maggie Rollins. Laura had a copy of the sides in her bag, though she hoped she didn't need them, but she had still nearly had to duck off for a bathroom to be sick in.

It went okay though. Maybe not great, as LaFontaine was claiming, but at least decent. Laura hadn't embarrassed the shit out of herself. The producers were impassive — not to mention the Dean herself — but the others had at least smiled a little. It was easier after the camera started recording and Laura slipped into Maggie, that familiar feeling of losing herself in another person. It was a relief to leave the claustrophobic room behind and stand in an elaborate den in Diefenbach Castle, asking the Countess where Julianna was, and how she wasn't going to leave without her friend.

In her bed at home, Laura had rewound that part in the second movie, the scene right before Regina feeds on Julianna for the first time, and watched the way the Countess's eyes seem to darken. It's a piece of acting that sets Laura's skin on fire. Every time. It was the mental image she used for the meeting between Maggie and Regina, a mixture of fear and immediate sexual attraction.

Hopefully, it worked.

Laura pulls out her phone and checks it, worried suddenly that the Dean will call and she'll miss it because she didn't hear it ringing. It's just a few texts from friends, and a missed call from Holly. She tucks it back in her pocket.

"Trust me," LaF says, steering them back down into the busy Hollywood streets. "You're gonna get it."

 

*

 

Thank god it turns out to be true. Or at least one step closer.

"They want you in for a chemistry test with Carmilla," Holly says over the phone, that manic edge back in her voice. "Next week. Tell me when you're free and I'll call them back."

"Oh my god, this might actually happen," Laura says, relief blooming in the pit of her stomach and spreading through her whole body.

"Don't get too excited yet. You have to nail this, and then the studio has to like you — though I'm sure the Dean has more pull than most directors — but. Yes." Laura can actually hear how hard Holly is grinning. A grin that knows a lot of money is coming her way. "This might actually happen."

Laura hangs up the phone and stands in the middle of the Trader Joe's frozen foods aisle, beaming idiotically at a selection of frozen tilapia. It might actually happen.

 

*

 

"Are you IMDB-stalking Carmilla Karnstein?" Betty asks when she passes by Laura's chair in the kitchen a few days later.

Laura jumps, resisting the urge to slam her laptop shut. She blushes, feeling stupidly caught, even though it is actually research. Kind of. "I — um — I was curious. I saw something about her on my newsfeed this morning."

"She's on my newsfeed every morning," Betty says dismissively, reaching into a cabinet for a glass. "There's always some latest story about whatever scandalous affair she's conducting at the moment. I don't know what the interest is. I can't tell any of her flings apart. They're just a parade of girls with no self-worth."

Laura knows what she means. They're all a bit Hollywood waif-y. Carmilla has a type, it seems.

"I bet you she's sleeping with whoever they cast for Kiss of the Dead 3," Betty continues. "Doesn't she always do that? Sleep with her co-stars? Or at least the ones from the first two movies."

"They haven't cast that one yet," Laura mumbles, feeling her cheeks go hot. Sure, there were rumors, but she wasn't sure if that was actually — well, it's not like she's planning on letting it happen to her.

"I know someone who was a PA on _The Feast of Blood_ , and he said Carmilla Karnstein was all over that girl. The new one. What's her name? She's really big now."

"Olivia Kim," Laura says automatically.

"Yeah, Olivia Kim. They were apparently always disappearing together into Carmilla Karnstein's trailer during breaks. He said they weren't dating or anything — Olivia Kim isn't even into girls — but. That's what happens with Carmilla Karnstein, I guess."

Betty pours herself a glass of orange juice from the fridge and sips it, squinting at Laura.

"Are you okay? You're bright red."

"It's hot in here," Laura says, and exits out of Carmilla Karnstein's IMDB page.

 

*

 

_Listening to my Regina von Diefenbach playlist this morning to block out the insipid teenybopper music from next door._

— Tweeted by Carmilla Karnstein (@carmillakarnstein), May 2nd, 2014

 

*

 

There are less people at the chemistry read, but Laura's glad she's brought LaFontaine anyway. She also makes sure they're ten minutes early, worried that she'll lose the role if she's late again. Laura takes a seat, trying not to fidget, and waits for Carmilla to arrive.

She goes from being five minutes late to ten minutes. Fifteen. Laura stares down at the floor, trying hard to tamp down the irritation bubbling up inside her. There are a lot of reasons why people are late in LA — traffic, mostly. Or just general flakiness.

At twenty minutes past the appointed time, the Dean makes a frustrated noise and leaves the room. Laura exchanges looks with LaF. The Dean returns in a minute, clearly mad.

"She overslept," she says in a steely tone. "She's on her way."

"Oh my god," Laura hisses to LaFontaine, not even attempting to keep the disapproval from her voice. "It's two in the afternoon! She kept us waiting because she was _asleep_?"

Carmilla Karnstein enters the room thirty-five minutes after they're supposed to have started. The door opens and Laura immediately shoots to her feet, eager to make a good impression despite everything. She pastes on her best smile. It's Hollywood. People are selfish. It'll be fine. Carmilla slinks in, sleep-tousled, her hair gorgeous and messy around her face, her eyes half-hooded. She looks like a napping cat, sleek and graceful and dangerous. It's insanely unfair how beautiful she is, even when she's just gotten out of bed. She sweeps her gaze over the gathered producers, the casting director, and the Dean before fully looking at Laura.

"Hi, I'm Laura," Laura says, rushing forward to shake hands.

Carmilla doesn't take it. She smirks instead. "Hello, cupcake. I'm Carmilla," she says, low and throaty, almost like a purr.

It's a pretty attractive voice, as far as voices go. Still. Laura always knew she was hot. She just also happens to be finding out how inconsiderate of a person Carmilla really is. She withdraws a little, turning to LaF so she can mouth the word "cupcake?" at them. LaFontaine gives her a puzzled shrug and gestures that she should continue making nice. Laura sighs.

"Carmilla, you've kept us waiting for quite long enough," the Dean snaps, saving Laura from further conversation.

"Apologies, _Lilita_ ," Carmilla says, without looking at her, and the extra emphasis on the Dean's name is hard to miss. "I'm ready when you are."

"I'm ready," Laura says quickly, as cheerfully as she can. But she can't resist tacking on: "I've been ready for thirty-five minutes."

Carmilla's smirk grows wider. "Was that a dig at me?"

It's a terrible idea to continue on, but Laura's never been _great_ at knowing when to stop. "I don't see anyone else who was thirty-five minutes late. By the way, that's kind of considered rude."

"Oh my stars, rude? Gosh golly gee, I never would have thought." Carmilla widens her eyes comically and blinks them at Laura, mocking.

Laura knows her face is pinking. She drops the smile. "Just because I have manners, doesn't mean that I've never done this before."

"Really? You look like a virgin to me."

"What is that supposed to — "

The Dean clears her throat loudly from the table. Laura starts. She had entirely forgotten they had an audience, so… Great. She's been sniping at the huge star of a hit movie series, and now she's going to be fired. Because she couldn't keep her mouth shut.

"You can go ahead and start reading," the Dean says, sounding almost _pleased_ , "but it seems like you two have enough chemistry already."

One of the producers lets out a full-on laugh. Laura wonders what shade of red her face is now. Embarrassed and annoyed, she stalks over to her seat and grabs the sides. Carmilla lightly chuckles, if chuckling is even the right word for it, because it's really like she's sneering at Laura. She steps over to a taped mark on the floor, reaching for the sides the casting director hands her.

"Let's go, buttercup," she says. "I haven't got all day."

Laura's going to murder her.

 

*

 

"I think the chances of her drinking herself to death before we shoot are pretty good, don't you think?" Laura says to LaF when they stop for post-audition ice cream.

LaF wrinkles their nose. "She's not — okay, yeah, she's bad. But you also kind of need her."

"Um, I thought you believed in me. You don't think I could carry that movie all by myself?"

"So cocky. I see the fame and allure of Hollywood's gotten to you already," LaFontaine says, biting into their sugar cone.

 

*

 

Holly nearly bursts Laura's eardrums when she tells her that Laura's got the role, but Laura doesn't mind. She's yelling right back at her, ecstatically, and has to turn onto a side street before she gets pulled over by a cop for swerving wildly on Burbank.

"You are, without a doubt, the greatest freaking agent in the world," Laura gushes, elated.

"Christ, Laura, you're so funny. If there was ever a time to use the actual word," Holly laughs.

They go over some logistics, and Laura makes notes on what she needs to tell LaFontaine, but they're both still too giddy to really set their minds to actual business. Holly promises to send LaF a couple of emails with the details and hangs up. Laura rests her forehead against the steering wheel, her engine idling. Her heart's pounding furiously in her ribcage, like she's just sprinted a marathon — and _won_. Laura doesn't know whether to laugh or cry. Her body feels too small for her, the emotion wanting to burst from her chest.

Laura leans back in her seat, grinning. This is what she moved to Los Angeles for, and nothing, not even Carmilla Karnstein, will ruin it.

 

*

 

**_NEWCOMER LAURA HOLLIS JOINS "THE ROSE GARDEN"_**

_Laura Hollis (_ Blue Moon _) has been cast in a lead role in_ The Rose Garden, _the highly-anticipated third movie in the "Kiss of the Dead" trilogy. She will be playing Maggie Rollins, a fresh-faced investigative journalist looking into the disappearance of her best friend, Julianna Tan._

_Hollis joins Carmilla Karnstein and Wilson Kirsch in the cast for acclaimed director, Lilita Morgan. Silas Studios is producing, and Paramount will run production. John and Iris Hawthorne are lead producers, and the script is written by Lilita Morgan._

_Hollis was a regular cast member of Hulu's _Blue Moon_ , which was canceled after two seasons. She is repped by APA and LaFontaine Labs._

— Published on Deadline.com, August 30th, 2014


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHA. Remember when I said I'd update this monthly? I totally lied, as it turns out. Sorry, you guys. I'll try to be better about the next chapter.

**_I think the movie's amazing. The reviews are coming in, and it's all really positive. How are you feeling? Have you been nervous?_ **

_Thank you! That's so nice of you to say. Yeah, I think the feedback has just been so awesome. Um, I think we're at something like 97% on Rotten Tomatoes. My publicist Perry would know. She'll be upset with me that I don't remember. But, uh, yeah. It's been a whirlwind, and I_ was _nervous at the beginning, but now people are saying such good things! I can relax a little._

**_I heard you got a kitten. Confession, I actually I saw it on Twitter._ **

_Yes, I adopted a kitten! She's the cutest. I was actually out for dinner one night when I found her just hanging out in the corner of this parking lot. I got the restaurant to give me a little food and I lured her over. Oh god, that sounds like I kidnapped her. I didn't! She totally loves me and I treat her really well, I swear. Her name's Maggie._

**_After Maggie Rollins, your character in_ The Rose Garden _?_**

_Yeah! She's so tenacious. It reminds me of Maggie a lot. [Laughing] Great, now I sound like a narcissist. This is a disaster._

— Interview with Laura Hollis in Vulture, December 9th, 2015

 

*

 

Laura wakes up early the morning of the first table read. She drinks a mug of liberally-sweetened coffee on the apartment balcony, does a series of breathing exercises, and tries to sort through the email piling up in her inbox. Betty walks into the kitchen as Laura's cross-legged on the patio furniture, trying to get into the position her hot yoga instructor specifically said would open her chakras.

"Oooookay," Betty says loudly and opens the fridge.

There are about four emails from LaF sitting on top of Laura's messages. She opens one — _Good luck today! Don't freak out too badly!_ — and ignores the rest. Last night Carmilla followed her on Twitter. Between that and the casting announcement, Laura's gained about ten-thousand followers without saying a word. She had to shut off the notifications because it drained her phone battery.

She gets up from the table to pour the remainder of her cold coffee down the sink. She stands there for a long minute, rinsing her mug out, lost in thought. Betty reaches over and shuts the water off in one sharp gesture.

"We are in a _drought,_ Laura," she says loudly.

"Sorry." Laura shakes her head to clear it. "I'm just — I have my table read today."

Betty doesn't look up from buttering her piece of toast. "Don't vomit," she says helpfully. She starts walking away with the plate, heading back down the hall towards her room.

"Right. Thanks," Laura mumbles at Betty's retreating back.

 

*

 

She's obviously expecting Carmilla to be late, so it's a shock when Laura rounds the corner and almost walks straight into Carmilla at craft services. She's sipping a bottle of water, holding a packet of chips in her hands, and looking utterly, perfectly beautiful. It's this weird thing that happens in Laura's brain, like for a second she can't quite reconcile the very real Carmilla in front of her and the one she's seen onscreen. She wonders if she'll ever get used to it — and she's still mulling on that when Carmilla notices her.

"Buttercup," Carmilla says. "I thought you'd be half an hour early, with your pencils all sharpened."

Laura colors immediately. She wonders if Carmilla caught her sitting in her car, having arrived at the studio twenty minutes early. She reaches for a bag of chocolate chip cookies, and then, thinking about it, takes another one. If this is how the entire table read is going to be, Laura's gonna need fortifications. She piles her snacks into her arms, ignoring Carmilla's presence. Carmilla opens her chips, the plastic crinkling loudly.

"You're very quiet today. What's the matter, nervous?" Carmilla says.

"I've done a table read before," Laura says defensively.

"I didn't say you hadn't." Carmilla fishes a chip out of the packet and eats it, licks the crumbs off her thumb. Laura blushes. Again. "I'll see you in there."

Inside the room, Laura finds her seat next to Carmilla's. Obviously. She places her soda and cookies by her script and sits down. Someone's already set out writing utensils for her, but Laura digs through her bag for her own pens. She has a system, after all. She's busy highlighting her lines when Carmilla slides into the seat next to her, setting her phone down between them.

"Someone's prepared," Carmilla says, glancing over.

"One of us has to be," Laura glares.

Carmilla makes a dismissive noise. "I'll admit that you're cute, cupcake, but if you're trying to, I don't know, _shame_ me into being a more studious worker, I'm afraid you have your work cut out for you."

"I'm not trying to do anything. You clearly do things the way you want to do things, and everyone here just lets you get away with it because you're the star."

"I'll take all the benefits I can get in this miserably shallow industry," Carmilla says, pushing her hair back from her face.

It's not a very nice thing to say, Laura thinks, though she doesn't disagree with it exactly. She stares down at her script instead, highlighting another set of lines. Her whole page is covered with fluorescent yellow. 

"If you hate this so much, why are you even in this movie?" Laura hisses underneath her breath.

Carmilla gives her a blank look. "Even you can't be that moronic," she says finally.

It feels like a slap in the face. Laura opens her mouth to retort, angry, but the Dean sweeps into the room and everyone goes silent. There's just the clicking of her heels against the floor as she moves to her chair. Laura takes an extremely annoyed sip of soda, but she chokes on it, and she has to cough into her shirt sleeve. When she looks up, everyone's looking at her.

"Feeling all right?" Carmilla asks, sounding solicitous, but Laura can see right through it.

"Perfect," she says through her gritted smile. "I can't wait to get started."

 

*

 

She's polite to Carmilla afterwards:

"That was great," Laura says, trying to be nice.

"It was tolerable," Carmilla says, sliding her sunglasses on, and leaves Laura behind.

Laura wonders about all the ways she can destroy a body so it's never found. She takes a deep breath and tries very hard to keep her temper in check.

 

*

 

_Oh my god, so many new followers! Hope I don't disappoint!_

— Tweeted by Laura Hollis (@laurahollis), September 9th, 2014

 

*

 

She goes over to LaFontaine's place to vent, driving to West Hollywood in a fit of rage. She has to circle the block three times before she finds parking, and she jabs at the elevator button a little harder than she needs to.

How is she supposed to handle months and months of Camilla Karnstein? How is she even going to handle one more hour, much less an entire shoot and press junket? Laura's doing the best she can, not that it's good enough. Not that anything seems good enough for Carmilla.

"People work with people they don't like all the time," LaF says when Laura's finally done ranting. It's probably meant to be soothing, but doesn't help Laura in the least. "Don't let her get to you."

"Don't let her get to me?!" Laura sputters. " _You_ try being picked on by her! I don't even know what I did to get her to hate me so much."

"She doesn't hate you."

"Ha," Laura says, collapsing onto the couch, feeling suddenly empty. Her anger's leaking from her, leaving her tired and drained.

LaFontaine leans forward in their seat. "You know what you need? A publicist."

"Why? I have you and Holly," Laura says. "Besides, there's no publicity for them to manage."

"But there will be. Lots of it. Look at Olivia Kim. She just did that movie with Tom Cruise. And Zoe Herman. She's pretty much an A-lister now. I mean, think about where your career's going to go after you do this movie. People are already going crazy for you on Twitter and Instagram."

It's true, in an almost intolerable way. Not that Laura's one to complain about too much of a good thing, though it does feel like it. It almost makes her miss her small fan interactions — those few people out there who loved _Blue Moon_ and her role as the rebellious teenage daughter of the colony's president. Laura sighs, propping her feet up on LaF's coffee table.

"You have someone in mind already, don't you?" Laura asks, regretting it almost immediately.

LaFontaine brightens. "Of course I do. And she's perfect. She'll help wrangle all your — " they wave their hands through the air, " — Carmilla problems."

"I guess I could use a little help with that," Laura admits begrudgingly.

"I'll give her a call right away," LaFontaine says. "In the meantime, Netflix?"

 

*

 

That night before bed, Laura scrolls through Buzzfeed on her phone. _27 Times We Lost Our Minds Over Regina von Diefenbach_ is on the front page, and she regrets it the minute she clicks on the link. It's basically just a million GIFs of Carmilla smoldering. And one of course of the infamous scene from the last movie where she strips down naked for a bath, and the camera pans slowly up the delicate line of her spine. It's all pale skin and taut muscle and Laura would be lying if she said she didn't rewind that scene at least twice.

Laura stares at a GIF of a close-up on Carmilla's face. She can't stop looking at Carmilla's bright-red mouth, at her hooded eyes. She's magnetic even on Laura's tiny phone screen.

"You're awful," Laura says aloud to remind herself. Because Carmilla is. Awful. Terribly attractive, but awful.

She shuts the phone off and tries to go to sleep.

 

*

 

" _…Honestly, queer cinema has never been better, in my opinion. Unless you've been living underneath a homophobic rock, you'll have seen Lilita Morgan's Kiss of the Dead series. Sure, you might think it's another Twilight at first glance, but look again — they're cleverly-constructed, beautifully-shot thrillers that have_ actual lesbians _in them. That's right. As we all know, Carmilla Karnstein who plays the vampiric countess Regina von Diefenbach, is out and proud. In fact, we probably have more articles dedicated to her on this website than Kristen Stewart and Ellen Page combined._

_It is precisely Carmilla Karnstein's queerness that makes these movies important. She is unapologetically queer onscreen and off, and her career actually celebrates it. The films revel in her queerness. She was cast as an openly gay woman to play an openly gay woman. Let's think about that. That almost never happens. Carmilla Karnstein is paving the way for queer actresses quietly, with those leather jackets and that hot-as-hell smirk."_

— From "Queer Cinema: Looking at Kiss of the Dead" on Autostraddle.com, September 23rd, 2014

 

*

 

There's a scene in the script — a scene Laura's particularly looking forward to — when the Countess finds out that Maggie's betrayed her, and she flings Maggie against a wall in a fit of rage. Maggie's supposed to go flying through the air, through a window, and land in a heap of hay in the courtyard. And even though Laura's infinitely more talented stunt double is going to be doing the actual flying, Laura's still gonna be in the harness. She's stupidly excited about it.

So stupidly excited that she makes the mistake of telling her dad about it. He spends half an hour making dire predictions about her demise — possible neck-breaking, some creative asphyxiation. All par for the course with Laura's dad. She lets him get it out of his system. She'll be fine.

There's no way that Danny Lawrence, the exceedingly tall and exceedingly hot stunt coordinator, would let her fall. She's just so _competent_. At least she seems like it. Kind of no nonsense, but still perfectly friendly. Every interaction Laura's had with her has been wonderful. Laura's distinctly aware how fast she's developed a crush on this stranger, but it doesn't seem to slow it down any. Laura basically goes to mush whenever Danny's talking to her. This has resulted in her only taking in every fifth word Danny says in rehearsal.

"What?" Laura asks again, for about the tenth time in an hour.

Danny grins because she's probably a patient saint. "I said — are you scared of heights?"

"No," Laura says quickly. "Well. A little."

"Don't worry," Danny says, and holds out a harness for Laura to inspect. "See, we'll strap you in like so, and then you'll be suspended…"

Laura tunes out again, distracted by the line of Danny's jaw. It's so…jaw-like. Firm and strong. Laura likes a firm jaw. She didn't know that before now, but she does. She's so busy staring at Danny's jaw that she almost misses Carmilla strolling in, slouching a bit in her leather jacket.

A leather jacket. In 90 degree weather. God, she's so unbearable. Laura almost rolls her eyes, but Danny beats her to it.

"Oh," Danny says, turning faintly red when she sees Laura noticing. "Sorry. I didn't mean to — sorry."

"No, not at all," Laura insists. She nods towards Carmilla, typing something on her phone. "You, um, you don't like her very much, I take it."

"I've worked on all of these movies. I'm used to her. Mostly."

"I'm pretty sure she's the rudest person I've ever met," Laura says flatly.

Danny bursts into laughter. The sound of it makes something warm lodge itself in Laura's chest. "Oh my god, I'm so glad you think so too. I didn't think she'd be so rude to you though. I mean, you're her co-star."

"Believe me, that hasn't stopped her at all." Laura looks down at the harness again. Clears her throat. "Actually, um, do you mind if I ask you a kind of…weird question?"

"What?"

Laura's tone is timid, hesitant. "I just — I've heard all these rumors about, you know, Carmilla dating the other girls who've acted with her…and I was wondering if that was like…"

"Uh, yeah." Danny starts gathering the harness up, not meeting Laura's gaze. "Those rumors are pretty steeped in truth. Honestly, I tried to stay out of it, but it was kind of everywhere. She likes her co-stars, and they liked her. Not that it's a thing or anything. You don't, uh, it doesn't mean that you'll…"

"Nah. Only if she were a real vampire countess or something," Laura says lightly, feeling awkward.

Danny smiles again. It's dazzling. Laura could watch Danny smile all day. "Yeah, right? Okay, let's get back to work. So, why don't we strap you in and see how it fits?"

 

*

 

Afterwards, Laura helps Danny clean everything up. She doesn't have to, obviously, and there are PAs scrambling around, but it's nice to stand next to Danny. She's still buzzing with adrenaline from rehearsal and Danny doesn't seem to care that she's all sweaty and gross and Laura really, really likes making Danny laugh.

Besides, Carmilla disappeared halfway through the rehearsal. Undoubtedly to go ruin someone else's day.

Danny walks Laura to her car, the two of them still giggling over Laura's story about a play she did in college. It's nine, and almost everyone else is gone. Danny dismissed the PAs twenty minutes earlier, so it's just her and Laura. The parking lot's lit with big white floodlights. Laura fumbles through her bag nervously, searching for her keys. Danny hovers by her politely.

"You don't have to wait," Laura says. "You really should get home and walk your dog. I bet she's dying to go out."

"If you're sure," Danny says.

"I'm positive. Please. I don't want your dog to be mad at me for making you late."

"She doesn't really hold grudges," Danny says, but takes a step back. "I'll see you on Thursday then. Safe drive home, Laura."

Laura waves, and continues digging through her bag. Her fingers have just closed around the keys when she hears footsteps behind her. She jumps, swinging around.

Carmilla. Obviously.

"Fancy meeting you here," Carmilla says, headed for the car parked next to Laura's.

"Um. Hi." Laura pops her trunk and puts her bag of exercise stuff inside.

Carmilla laughs, though it's not as nice as Danny's. It's a little bit mean, mostly amused. "Don't hurt yourself sounding happy to see me."

Laura slams her trunk down with more force than she intended. She's tired and she needs a shower and she just wants to go home without having to listen to more of Carmilla's disdain.

"Don't be so cranky, cupcake," Carmilla says. "It seems like your clumsy flirting is working on Xena. She was almost as pathetic as you."

"I — " Laura sputters.

"Oh, sorry, was it supposed to be a secret? I mean, you were playing it so cool."

Laura stands there, trying to come up with something that's better than outright denial. Arguing with Carmilla makes her feel like she's 8 and on the playground, trying to fend off some mean girl. Except it's worse because she's an adult now and adulthood is supposed to be better than childhood inequalities. She's supposed to be able to fend these things off now. She's grown up. She's made it. She's in a _movie_ , for god's sake.

Something flickers across Carmilla's face. Laura doesn't catch what it is. "Never mind," Carmilla says. "I guess it _is_ supposed to be a secret." She clicks the unlock button on her keys and opens the door. "Don't worry. Your secret's too pedestrian to tell. No one would want to hear about something so tedious."

And before Laura can say anything, Carmilla peels out of the lot.

Huh.

 

*

 

" _…Karnstein lights up a cigarette while we're waiting for the valet to pull up her car. Two girls walk by and give her a sideways look. They're willowy and tall, that kind of nondescript Hollywood beauty that's half youth, half makeup. Karnstein eyes them back, and one of the girls blushes, turns away. She whispers something to her friend as they disappear around the corner. Karnstein smirks and takes a long drag on her cigarette._

_'I'm supposed to be quitting,' she says after a moment, and the smoke unfurls from her mouth in a wispy cloud. 'Apparently it's bad for me.'_

_It's the closest thing to a joke she's said all night. Carmilla Karnstein isn't meant to be funny. She's meant to be enigmatic, sexy, the closest living thing to the vampire she portrays onscreen. And for what it's worth, it's working. She recently placed at 11 on Maxim's Hot 100._

_'Oh, right. Chauvinists. What an honor,' she says with caustic indifference when I bring it up._

_She snubs out the cigarette when her car pulls up to the curb, flicks the stub into the trash can nearby. I hover, wondering if there's going to be a prolonged goodbye. But Karnstein isn't that sort of person, and I could have guessed that. I've been one step behind her all evening._

_'Goodnight,' she tells me without a backwards glance, and shuts the door._ "

— From "Interview With a Vampire: My Evening With Carmilla Karnstein" by Andrew Kirshner in Esquire, October 2014

 

*

 

Perry — the publicist LaFontaine failed to mention was also a childhood best friend — has some ideas. She arrives to their lunch meeting with a bulging day planner, Post-Its sticking out from every page. When she opens the book, Laura can see that everything's perfectly color-coded and the handwriting's round and neat as a pin. Perry takes three sips of her iced tea — wedge of lemon, no sugar — and talks for an hour straight about what they can do to manage Laura's image.

"I like what you have going on," Perry says. "The whole good-girl thing is really working for you. Plus, it offsets you from Carmilla Karnstein."

"It's not a _thing_ ," Laura protests. "It's just — it's me. I can't imagine not being me."

Perry nods encouragingly. "No, it's great. I think it really distinguishes you in this industry. You're polite, hardworking, conscientious. Everyone knows Carmilla Karnstein's image. It'll be wonderful to set you up as her counterpoint."

"I don't really want to be her counterpoint. I mean, do I have to be?"

"You won't have much of a choice," Perry says, though not without a little grimace of sympathy. "You're very candid on Twitter. People like it. It makes you seem genuine."

"I _am_ genuine," Laura says. "It's my Twitter. I don't know how else to run it."

"Once you get busy, you might want to hire someone to run it."

Laura laughs, disbelieving. "Um. What?"

"Well, _The Rose Garden_ is really a career launch. You'll only be busier from here. We hope, anyway. You won't have as much time to run your Twitter, but you obviously need to keep it in order to make the fans happy. We can find you someone you approve of to write it. There are so many writers in this town."

"Whoa. Wait. Hold on." Laura shakes her head. "Let me just…figure things out."

Perry pauses and takes another sip of her iced tea. "I know it can be overwhelming at first, Laura. I'm not saying you have to do these things. I'm just giving you some options."

"It's a lot right now."

"It's my job to manage it so it's not too much," Perry says.

"Who manages it for you?" Laura asks rhetorically.

"I stress-bake," Perry answers, turning back to her planner. "That always makes me feel better. Now! Let's move on to the topic of your…love life. Are you seeing anyone right now?"

Laura stares back, unsure. "Um."

"You don't have to keep secrets from me. In fact, you shouldn't keep secrets from me. I want to know everything."

"I'm not dating anyone, uh, currently," Laura manages.

Perry beams. "Great. I mean, not great that you're single. I'm sorry. Unless you want to be? In which case, great. Just keep me in the loop if you happen to meet someone. I just want to make sure there won't be any unpleasant surprises. You're in the public eye now."

"Great," Laura echoes, feeling unpleasantly like she's gotten in too far over her head.

 

*

 

She knows it's weird to say that she's not an attention-seeker, but she's not. Laura swears she isn't. If she didn't want to act, she'd, well, she'd be doing something else — something that's not…so front-and-center. She's never been good about attention; she's only ever been good about acting. When she's feeling passionate about something. But it still feels hypocritical to complain about the attention.

Not that she's anywhere near the amount of attention Carmilla gets from the paparazzi. It seems like every morning she wakes up to another photo of Carmilla splashed across TMZ, stumbling out of some club.

"Maybe you'd feel better if you didn't drink so much," Laura says, finding Carmilla nursing a headache outside of their rehearsal room. There's not much bite to her statement though. It's just — she's accepted this. It's Carmilla. Whatever. She's trying to be more zen about things these days. Better for her blood pressure.

Carmilla groans, pushing her sunglasses further up the bridge of her nose. "Maybe I'd feel better if you didn't talk so loudly."

Laura makes a face. She's not sure why she does it, but she sets down her stuff and goes to get some water. She comes back with a plastic cup, filled from a nearby cooler. She holds it out to Carmilla. A second passes before Carmilla accepts the cup, taking a long sip.

"You're welcome," Laura says pointedly, waiting until Carmilla's drained the cup.

"I guess there's no need to thank you," Carmilla says, leaning her head against the wall.

But maybe it does help in some way. Because Carmilla doesn't make any pointed barbs at Laura during the rest of rehearsal. In fact, she's almost…nice. Well, not nice. At least not overtly mean. Which is probably as nice as Carmilla Karnstein gets. It's weirding Laura out, even though she knows she's probably just being paranoid. A month of knowing Carmilla Karnstein is enough to make anyone a little bit crazy, Laura reasons.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Carmilla says when they're leaving. It's the most she's ever acknowledged Laura after a rehearsal. Save that one encounter in the parking lot.

"Uh. Bye?" Laura offers, confused.

Carmilla doesn't seem to notice. She walks off, unconcerned, that leather jacket hugging her shoulders. Laura lets herself enjoy the view for about ten seconds before she makes herself turn away.

Duh, she thinks, your co-star is hot. She's a movie star. They're all hot.

 

*

 

"Uh, you know, there's this awesome little bar near my house that I thought, um," Danny starts saying to Laura one day after rehearsal. "Maybe I could buy you a drink sometime."

Laura knows she's grinning too hard to be chill, but she doesn't care. It's never been one of her strengths. "I would really, really like that, Danny."

 

*

 

@laurahollis: _I love my job!_

@carmillakarnstein: _@laurahollis How sweet._

@laurahollis: _@carmillakarnstein what's that supposed to mean?_

@carmillakarnstein: _@laurahollis I said it was very sweet._

@laurahollis: _@carmillakarnstein That's NOT what you meant._

@carmillakarnstein: _@laurahollis I always say what I mean, buttercup._

— Twitter exchange between Laura Hollis (@laurahollis) and Carmilla Karnstein (@carmillakarnstein), October 20th, 2014

 

*

 

"Remember how you told me to tell you when I'm dating someone?" Laura says, wedging her cell phone between her shoulder and her ear as she walks towards her car with her Target bags. "Well, I'm dating someone. I guess technically we've been on one date, but — "

Perry makes a kind of sighing noise. It doesn't sound positive. "Who?"

Laura falters. "Uh, Danny Lawrence. She's the, um, stunt coordinator on the production. She's great, I promise. Very discreet. Photographs well, I'm sure."

"Oh, no," Perry says.

"What?" Laura snaps, annoyed. "I thought you wanted to know when I started dating someone."

"No, I do. This is good, Laura. I'm glad you told me. It's just — " Perry pauses. "I don't think Danny's going to be the right person for your…image."

"I don't understand."

"No one knows who she is. You need to be dating someone more visible. Someone who can really help your career take off, put you in the headlines. We want to generate some buzz."

"But — but I like Danny," Laura says dumbly.

"And I'm sure Danny likes you too, Laura. But we'll work together and find someone. I have some potential candidates in mind. I'll ask Su — LaFontaine to help me go through them. You don't have to worry about a thing. Just keep doing what you're doing. I'll get back to you."

 

*

 

It's not exactly a promising phone call.

 

*

 

It's even less promising a week later, when LaFontaine calls and casually suggests Laura coming over for dinner when she doesn't have rehearsal.

"What? Why?" Laura asks. "Is everything okay?"

"Maybe Carmilla _is_ making you paranoid," LaF laughs (Laura told them about the interaction). "It's nothing. Not a big deal. Just dinner between friends. We haven't hung out recently."

It's true enough that it sets off a twinge of guilt. Laura shows up at LaF's place two nights later with a bottle of wine to make up for it. Something price-y that the clerk at the wine shop had said had a "full body" and a "mature taste." Whatever that meant. Laura just hopes LaFontaine will be appreciative.

She's just filling LaF in on the latest of her Carmilla complaints while cramming chips and salsa into her mouth when the doorbell rings, cutting her off. A second later, Perry breezes into the kitchen, barely giving Laura enough time to understand what's happening.

"Perry, hi, I didn't expect to see you," Laura says, as Perry hugs her.

"Oh, I know," Perry says cheerfully. "That wine looks wonderful. Mmm, and it smells delicious in here."

LaF hands Perry a glass of the wine. "Thanks, Perr. It's just some chicken pasta thing I threw together."

Laura glances between the two of them. They sip their wine, nonchalant, chatting. It's all too convenient for Laura, and she eats another tortilla chip.

"Laura, look, we have something to talk to you about," Perry says, putting down her glass.

LaFontaine won't look Laura in the eye. They mumble something about needing to check on dinner and ducks back to the stove, opening pot lids and stirring a bit maniacally. Even Perry is playing with a tortilla chip, breaking off small pieces to pop in her mouth while she stares at the counter.

"We have to start getting your name out there. Like I said when we talked — Danny's fine. But right now you're at the start of your career. You need something big. You need _someone_ big."

Laura laughs nervously. "If you're talking literally, Danny's very tall. I mean, you should see the two of us standing next to each other."

LaFontaine wanders back, clutching a tea towel. "Laura, Carmilla's publicist approached Perry about something."

Oh.

No.

"She really wants Carmilla to clean up her image a little. She's lost a few potential projects, and her publicist thinks that if she gets her shit together a bit, she can really land more jobs."

No.

"It wasn't really our idea, but once her publicist _approached_ Perry with it, we thought it actually worked out pretty well. I know you hate her, but she's not that bad. And you don't have to _actually_ do anything. Just have dinner in public once in a while. Hold her hand. Go to a concert."

Nope.

"Perry thought you could even still date Danny in secret. If Danny was cool with that. It's just an image thing. People do it in the industry all the time. It's a transaction. Not a big deal at all."

Nuh-uh.

"It won't be real. It'll just be more — acting. And we know you're good at that. So what do you say, Laura?"

No. No way in hell. There is absolutely no chance that Laura is going to _date_ Carmilla Karnstein.

No.

 

*

 

_**CARMILLA KARNSTEIN'S LATEST CONQUEST** _

_Known ladykiller Carmilla Karnstein was seen with an arm around her latest infatuation in a Starbucks at Melrose and Vine, not far from the Paramount lot. Though her face was hidden with a large pair of sunglasses, sources tell us that Karnstein's flavor of the week is none other than Laura Hollis, her co-star in_ The Rose Garden _._

_So far their reps haven't confirmed, but color us unsurprised. No one can resist Carmilla Karnstein for long._

_We assume this means that Karnstein's moved on from Ruby Young, who she was seen cozying up with at Urth Caffe in West Hollywood two weeks ago._

_How long will Laura Hollis last?_

— Published on TMZ.com, October 28th, 2014


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